jan 14

not so early up
Had no breakfast
I was poking around in my cedar chest looking for pictures and was amused that my hair style has not really ever changed. Except when I was a blonde for a couple years. These days I am growing my bangs out a little. That is creating all kinds of crazy hair photo opts!
Have a dew now. The goal is that by June I will be done with sodas all together. Except maybe special occasions. When I can whoop it up.
Lunch, lunch will be.... unknown at this point, became known and is a cheese sandwich and water
Dinner is Corn chowder and a glass of milk and probably some bread.

I have been thinking about using a diet supplement to aid my weight loss game. I do eat good, I don't get enough exercise and I am down to one soda a day. What the hell, why can't I drop some pounds. My husband loves me as I am, and while that is reassuring, I still would like to be to have less of me. I want to fit comfortable in theater seats, buy the stylish clothes I see and not get stuck with what passes in the big ladies sections. I don't hate my body, I really like it and all the things I can do with it. I would just like to do more with it. I am not longing for what I looked like as a teen, but as I age I know more issues will come up do to extra weight. And gravity works.
Why did I put on weight- many different reasons, one to be unattractive to the opposite gender, including my husband at the time, but also to keep myself from sleeping around. I have always been attracted to strong men. Sometimes that got confused with aggressive men and I would find myself in a position, literally, that I couldn't say no. I have said no, but sometime temptation and my own curiosity have worked against being faithful. And there were times when I think I was hoping that would lead me out of whatever the current boyfriend situation was.
Being pregnant was a wonderful feeling but I also found myself liberated by being able to eat food, I was not just gorging, but really enjoying food. After the babies were born there was an empty place in me. Both Literally and figuratively. I found bread to fill that void for a little bit. I had the girls so my life was not empty. But eating did change.